Have you ever sat down at the end of the night, alone with your thoughts and nothing to do, and felt your anxiety spike?

Meeee too.

There’s that familiar urge to reach for your phone, binge watch more of that show you always put on, eat that yummy snack or indulge in your substance of choice.

Let’s be clear — the indulgence isn’t for the sake of joy. Part of you knows, deep down, you’re holding an emotional damn shut with your bare hands.

What happens to you when you resist that impulse for a moment? Have you ever explored curiously beyond that edge? If so, perhaps you’ve noticed a great sadness or loneliness that starts to bubble up underneath the itch to fill the emptiness. It can be unbearable.

This is the void. It is stillness.

The void presents itself to us when we have been neglecting our inner child. If it has been a while since we’ve contemplated stillness, it can feel like ants crawling all over our bodies.

Instead of facing it, we search for a temporary solution or quick fix to avoid the feeling, to make us feel “better.”

I recently experimented with sitting through the discomfort and refused to indulge in my usual quick fixes. I was forced to because of a foot injury and subsequent less work as a yoga instructor in San Diego. It was HARD. I sat through the sensations and watched my desires come and go, but not without great effort, tears and grief.

When I emerged from this little self-induced ceremony, I realized these impulses were masking a desire to feel safe.

My inner child wanted someone to say,

“It’s okay…

You’re okay…

You are loved.”

When we settle down, we start to feel the way we felt as a child – unmasked.

This can make us feel unsafe. Why?

Trauma.
We were told by something or someone in our childhood environment that it was not acceptable to be ourselves. The truest version of us, the essence of Spirit which we effortlessly embodied as a kid, was told it was not enough.

Be yourself? Be criticized, punished and blamed for others’ pain.
Cover up your authenticity? You still get the blame, but you feel a little safer because at least you’re in control of your own censorship.

We learned to disconnect from our authentic self and mask it with activities and items and accomplishments and people. And for the rest of our lives, we begin to find fear and anxiety in the moments when we are not masking, because it means you’re not in control.

Let’s get back to your impulsive tendencies when you’re alone/bored/lonely.

Perhaps you’re aware of this experience in your emotional landscape. You find yourself at home alone, panicking, dangling on the edge of something scary and new, but consistently revert to your old attention-seeking patterns.

You text that person who gives you attention but you know they’re not good for your highest self.
You watch that show that only briefly keeps the intense feelings at bay.
You consume food or drink you know isn’t fulfilling any real hunger or thirst.

Sound familiar?
These indulgences, also known as emotional addictions, never really make you happy, do they?

But they certainly keep that uncomfortable feelings away in the moment. The feeling in which you feel utterly alone, hopeless, enshrouded in fear, blind in your uncertainty and without a strategy to manage this unfamiliarity.

I’ve been dealing with this too.

I don’t want to keep perpetuating my old patterns, but the prospect of stepping into the unknown feels so… fucking scary.

So can we approach this situation together?

The old masculine model of reality will tell us to grit our teeth and power through the challenge.
Don’t let the feelings get to you! Are you going to cry? What are you, soft?

I have news for you, in case you didn’t already know. The more we tense up, the more we resist the emotions, the greater havoc it will wreak upon our bodies and the longer it will stay in our physical, emotional and energetic body.

Cool. So how the hell do we get past this anxiety attack in the making?

Sit. Soften. Observe. The only way out is through.

Here are some steps to help you ride the waves toward a greater sense of safety:

1. Take out your journal.
2. Write down everything you want to do in this moment.
3. Write down why you want to do it.
4. Now ask your inner child what it needs. Write it down. Validate Little You. There may be tears. It’s okay.
5. List some ways you can meet your inner child’s needs without receiving external support or validation.
6. Do the things.

It’s not easy. But the longer you delay indulgence in your compulsive comforts, the longer your body goes without acquiring relief from that immediate chemical reaction and dopamine high. By resisting, you take a vote toward the person you want to be, not the patterns that define you.

Choose to walk through the challenge and you will emerge a more fortified version of you — one who knows the hardship you have confronted to become strong, and is less reliant on others for support and validation.

T

You are stronger than you know.

You must choose to walk the path to fully understand the measure of your strength.

– S

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