As spiritual seekers, we enjoy saying yes to the unknown. We know the people, things and places with which we surround ourselves affect our perception of the world. We strive to gain greater levels of awareness and, when conscious of ourselves, choose not to repeat the same painful cycles.

We see pain as an evolutionary catalyst.

When we grow, we overcome challenges and learn from the difficulties life has presented. 

When we choose to grow past our old limitations, there is a possibility that, when we return to the situation or person that triggered change in us, they will have chosen to remain exactly the same.

I recently found a quote that summarized this strife:

“Taking accountability for your part in a particular relationship dynamic doesn’t guarantee that the other person changes. It guarantees that you will change.”

It is a trap of the ego to believe that, because you have put in time and effort to change yourself, another person will see and validate that change.

Unless that person has undergone a great shift of their own, they will be unable to comprehend the deep desire to be seen today, in this moment, rather than within the dynamics of the past.

Sometimes the most painful experience is not the sensation of moving through the challenge of growth. It is the neglect and dismissal of the dedication and hard work you’ve invested to change, and the unwillingness of that other person to get to know the new you.

Despite your movement past the pain and story of your power dynamic, you are frozen in the past, doomed to play the same role within the narrative of their consciousness. You are assumed to be the same, trapped in a hamster wheel of sameness and condemnation.

So what do you do about this?

You may have heard this phrase, “To be the hero of your own story, you may be the villain in someone else’s.”

It’s true… When you commit to your own growth, you take a step off the path of the people pleaser and begin your trek down the road where you get to decide what matters. 

You might make a few people angry. It might also mean that the people whose opinion used to matter will find even more reason to withhold their approval.

It’s unfortunate that judgment – either self-inflicted, cast upon another or directed at you – prevents connection in the present.

No matter which side you’re on, both blame and victimhood are weapons of dogma, a violent and limiting tool of ego identification.

The lesson: Your beautiful spirit is worth way more than any one person’s perception of you.

We have no control over how others see us. We can only choose our focus.

As spiritual seekers, we must remember that the feeling of connection and peace for which we all strive lies within our own consciousness. We just have to make the choice to see it.

If you are in pursuit of peace, you must choose to forgo all outside beliefs about you and others. In choosing Divine connection, all dogma around ourselves and others must be swept away.

If not, we limit ourselves and others to be fossilized inside the blame, victimization and pain of the past.

The only thing we can do is forgive ourselves for the person we used to be. The only forgiveness that matters is unto ourselves.

I leave you with a question; can you embody the person you have become without anyone else’s acknowledgment?

It’s a difficult task to continue to embody your new self in the presence of those who cannot see it.

To them, your hard work, shining jewel of the lotus, may as well be invisible. But as long as you’re living your dharma, your own recognition is all you’ll ever really need.