When something goes awry, and the energy becomes difficult or resistant between yourself and another, how do you choose to see the situation?

As much as I dislike binary interpretations of things, I’ve found this dichotomy helpful when relating… 

Are you accepting what is happening, or are you rejecting what is happening by judging the other person?

Judgment:

Pathologizes someone as “too much” or “messed up”
In judgment, we throw the onus on the other. We call the other person names that help us feel “better than” the other person. In blame, we vindicate ourselves of responsibility and suggest we are innocent victims of a one-sided story.

When someone has no other way out of their discomfort, they turn it on you. You may recognize being called shame-laden and accusatory descriptors like “dramatic,” “crazy,” or “demanding.” Judgmental language makes staying grounded challenging.

Blames the person for others’ feelings and reactions
“They made me do it!” or a similar phrase is a common sentiment of someone who places external blame. They deny their own responsibility and actions in co-creating the situation, and proclaim that their actions are responses to others’. 

These people aren’t aware that they have control over their own reactions. They take others’ actions personally, and base their behavior upon others’ actions.

Rejection
We all want to feel secure. In unhealthy dynamics, the other person may choose to discard or devalue you in order to feel secure. They cannot handle your negative perception. In their unconsciousness, they need to abandon you and your perceptions in order to be okay with who they are. This is an indication of a weak self-concept, and someone whose internal validation is dependent on others for safety and security.

Acceptance:

Acknowledge that there is a misalignment
When resistance or tension forms between two parties, you acknowledge that there is no “right” or “wrong.”
As a spiritual seeker, you know that there are unique paths for each person towards one’s greatest self-realization. You understand that not all opportunities are to the benefit of each person’s route to their higher self.

You see that your path is not aligned with this other person, and you choose what is best for you.

Accept the feelings that the situation is causing within
Misalignment can cause grief, anger, confusion and frustration. It is important to view these emotions as valid, and allow them to flow through you in order not to get “stuck” in stress. These feelings, when not processed, can dysregulate one’s nervous system and create a state of heaviness, imbalance and dis-ease within the body.

Somatic exercises, yoga asana, energy or body work, therapy and deep chats with loved ones can help you understand your own experience enough for the emotions to arise.

By accepting feelings, we move beyond them and allow space for realization of our next action steps toward our own best interest.

Takes responsibility for one’s role in the situation
“It takes two to tango,” as the saying goes.
As a lightworker, you understand that the environment or energy field between two people is something you both create. This is why you take responsibility for the actions, words and energy you bring to the table. You don’t blame the other person for creating the situation; you know no one is wrong or right. 

You are aware each person carries subtle energy beneath the exchange of words, and it affects the dynamic between you.

Ask for what you need
You don’t expect the other person to guess or anticipate what you need. You prefer to be transparent about the things on your heart than to bury, avoid or dismiss them, because you know that these things always emerge, one way or another.

See the behavior and expression of the other person as a reflection of that person’s reality 
You know that unhealed trauma keeps people from seeing beyond their pain stories, and you are okay with being misunderstood. You don’t feel the need to convince this person to feel or think differently about you. Your intention is to gain clarity so that greater alignment can be achieved for each person. You do not defend yourself from accusation or judgment.

Stay in your integrity
You make decisions that reflect your commitment to yourself. You don’t let anyone else’s behavior affect how you conduct yourself, and you don’t change how you present yourself in order to be liked by others. Your behavior is uniform no matter the situation or person involved.